Taking action - not as easy as I thought…
The more work I did on myself, to build my own self worth and confidence, the more things in my relationship evolved too.
I talk a lot about making mindful, conscious choices to take inspired meaningful action… and being honest , I feel like I have been very much in the thick of taking action, particularly these last few months and it’s not been easy. In fact it’s been a rollercoaster that i have decided to share.
As I reflect on where it’s all come from, it all started last year, when I was having conversations with my partner about us moving in together. We have lived 4 and a half hours away for the last 2 and a half years… and while I could imagine us living together, I couldn’t get my head around all the logistics that I’d need to navigate to make it happen, and so I did nothing initially. What I didn’t realise was that even though I didn’t appear to be taking action, I actually was.
I recognised that there were a number of barriers holding me back - beyond the logistics. I felt my independence would be in jeopardy but what I also subsequently realised was that the deeper issue was actually about me feeling scared of vulnerability. This showed up in many ways in my relationship.
I had a lot of work to do.
This time last year, I had an awesome coach who helped me work through my resistance to the change I wanted. I became more aware of my barriers and found strategies to overcome them. I also later joined a coaching group, where the community support was incredibly powerful to move forward. I finally started letting go of some resentments I was carrying (in connection with relationships), I started to lean into vulnerability and trust that I would be ok. I then had another incredible coach to support some of the bigger decisions and to start taking action.
And guess what, the more work I did on myself, to build my own self worth and confidence, the more things in my relationship evolved too. I could lean in to the emotional support he offered and discovered that he isn't going to intentionally hurt me (emotionally) like others have in the past. Of course we will have disagreements but we now have fairly open and honest conversations about our fears and challenges. I was starting to change the narrative in my mind. I was becoming less scared of being hurt by him (or anyone for that matter) because I worked on my own self compassion. I now trust that just because we would merge our lives in the same home, I will still have my independence and I trust that whatever happens, I will be ok. That was a powerful shift for me: I will be ok.
My neurons got to work and I started to rewire my brain!!!
This powerful shift enabled me to take the action needed… fast forward a few months of boring adulting and house admin, and I’ve done it! I’ve now moved in with my boyfriend! I am celebrating all the big steps that I’ve taken to make this a reality!
I kept thinking, “focus on the end goal” and asking myself, “what’s on the other side of all the annoying things on my to do list… these are just the steps required to get you where you want to be… you’ve got this Jen.”
It turns out that moving house, is so much more than the hassle of physically moving. I’m letting go of where I love to live, I’m leaving friends behind but I’m also gaining so much. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster to get to this point…
I just wanted to share this with you because I’m sure some of you will relate to making hard decisions even when you feel scared. But also, to point out that some days I’ve allowed stories to creep in, because it’s been hard to let some things go, and then I just had to keep refocusing back on the bigger picture, using my end goal as my driver, my motive, my WHY!!
My core values of integrity and trust served me well throughout this journey, using them as a guideline to make the best decision for me, all with my word of the year in background too: FREEDOM. Read more about my personal values here.
And I did it! I have taken action that has culminated from many months of hard work mentally and emotionally. It’s so worth it!
WHAT’S NEXT FOR YOU?
Have you got any goals/ideas that you have but don’t know where to start… and it’s holding you back?!
Maybe you’re feeling a bit stuck, you say yes to everyone else, which means saying no to yourself…
Reach out!
I strongly recommend having a coach. You can find out more about coaching with me here.
And if you don’t want to have a coach one to one, maybe think about joining a group or a course.
I am starting my monthly membership in November. A light touch programme for those to join a monthly live call and receive weekly journaling and breathwork prompts. Maybe you just need to feel accountable, and talk through some ideas, this membership would be ideal for that. More info here or contact me directly here.
